Stuff + Nonsense

Greetings from the Frozen North

18 Comments

13 Clues Winter Has Started

1. You wake up with the tell tale sign of something solid pelting the window pane. The big snow has arrived.

2. You are grateful that you don’t have to go anywhere in the car today. No outside appointments! Yay! You snuggle under the covers. *feel smug*

3. You remember you have a puppy, with an outdoor bathroom/romping in the park habit. *heave sigh*

4. You dress in many layers, including new “sleeping bag with arms” coat purchased especially for the dog park. *think how smart you are for planning!*

5. Sad realization that haven’t thought yet about winter footwear. *November, curses for lulling you into false sense of security!*

6. You remember that your winter boots are in a high cupboard. You need a ladder to access. You already look like the Michelan Man, and Puppy is bouncing off walls. You decide the hell with the boots, it’s just a few inches of snow. *taking charge! making decisions!*

7. You decide to wear sneakers instead of leather walking shoes because they have “traction”. You forget that they also have “holes”.

8. You get outside. Human, meet weather. Weather, meet human. It’s now 4 inches of Cold and Slushy and Windy. *bad first date. just finish coffee and get home quickly*

9. It’s also raining. *of course it is!*

10. Your “winter interest” planter with the curly willow has tipped onto the walk, from the 60 km winds. Worry about slipping on the walkway, holding puppy leash with one hand, while you tip it back into place. It promptly falls back over. *damn, damn, damn, damn*

11. It takes approximately 2 and a half minutes for the slush to percolate through the sneakers, as you walk towards dog park. *you find this strangely compelling, thinking about osmosis*

12. Standing in the dog park, amongst snow, slush and howling winds, a new human with dog arrives, hailing you and the four others, with the greeting: “Hello nutbars.” *yes. we are nutbars*

13. You come home looking like the person in the postcard.

Sarah

Sarah Battersby is a designer, writer and teacher who regularly hacks away at forest of lilacs and sumachs in the country. She wishes she’d never planted that goutweed.

18 comments

  1. Sarah, I read it, laughing all the way through. Then I read it again and did the very same thing.

    My winter interest urn has also blown over. I'm waiting for the wind to abate before I attempt righting it.

  2. Unfortunately, this is very true. I wonder if I can talk the children out of a dog next year. The cats are so. . . indoor!

    I hope your toes have recovered, and your urn is now upright.

  3. I just love this post. So humorous, yet you describe perfectly what many people have to go through. I will need to remember this one when I am sick and tired of hot weather in August.

  4. Most enagaing and dead on posting! I was out earlier this morning thinking about a photo expose until I noticed the raindrops on the lenses of my glasses. Is it only gardeners whose sneakers all seem to be filled with holes? Hope you are inside where it is warm and dry, enjoying some cider or other such 'warming' beverage!

  6. Oh my god, Sarah, that is so funny!
    I was listening to the wind howling this morning, thinking why do I have to walk to work. My boots are in Owen Sound, so I had very wet feet this morning,I also was lulled by the gorgeous weather we have been having.

  7. Thanks for this humorous post. I laughed and realized there is no place like home – would you swap your frozen winters for my sticky, hot summers?

  9. I'm sorry, but your weather really is quite ridiculous. Someone had to say it…. Come over here – you just get four months of slush – it's dull but requires less silly headwear.

  12. Oh what a howl, Helen, thanks!!! Nutbars, that is a new one for me, I like it! Footwear is the most important thing for me, being a bit of a shoe fetish, the only remnants of a shopaholic past. One can never have too many uggs, and they do make a waterproof one, and they really are waterproof. The Belfairs . Pricey I know, but we feel if amortized over the rest of our life, it is only pennies per year. Accountant, you know. 🙂
    Frances

  14. Yes, everyone, as I said before: Sarah's the funny younger sister, and Helen's the bossy, know-it-all older sister. Proof positive here.

    Stephanie, I'm a cat girl, too. But recently I have become aunt to a puppy, so am learning the ways of the canine world. An education. Don't have quite the sleepingbag with arms coat, but I'm glad to have something downy for the weather we've been having of late.

    Noelle, As Barry says in his comment, we also get the hot, sticky summer weather — the worst or best of both worlds!

    Teza, I'm looking forward to some warming bevvies this weekend. Actually, on Saturday morning, I'll be with 2,999 others in the country's largest Santa Suit race… then out come the toddies.

    Barry, I didn't see the thunder and lightning out our way! I think you're closer to the lake, which gives you a better vantage point. I have yet to right my urn, though, which is doing a lounge act in the front yard.

    Deborah, Yes, lulled. The weather has become a drama queen, with one crazy mood after another. Tsk!

    Deb, We do get both the frozen stuff and the hot stickiness. "Hot town, summer in the city, back o' my neck feeling dirty and gritty!" could be a theme song sometimes.

    LittleGreenFing, I love English winters, actually. Especially as they're often followed by English springs! Having whined about hot stickiness, I have to admit that there's nothing like a Canadian summer by the lake, however.

    Wendy, Puppy Izi is certainly lucky to have such a good mum (and big brother).

    Heather, I'm hanging onto the fantasy that it's really still fall. Winter won't actually arrive till the 21st… and then the days start getting longer. Yay!

    Frances, Thanks for the tip about Belfairs (hmmm, there's a name thing happening there) — they sure look work investigating.

  15. Thjis was too wonderful…makes me appreciate having a cat! and, As I read this I thought of all the phone calls I get from my son as he is walking his puppy in the dog park~~I so appreciate dog parks, dog walks and cell phones for allowing me to talk with him more often. You can give me a call if you need company next time! gail

  16. I like Gail's idea of long-distance company. Better check the time zones, though.

    Very much enjoyed this so-realistic picture of human vs. nature. Let's not even look at the depressing score card on this event. (Several thousand years and counting…)

    Deborah, very probably Owen Sound is a town, but I can't help envisioning the wild escapades that made your boots sink into a large body of enclosed ocean…shipwreck? Mad moment of abandon flinging them away? Wanted to make sure you followed Sarah's avant-garde style next time you walked out?

    I used to wear sneakers in winter. But we don't have snow. Maybe Converse High-Tops?

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