Stuff + Nonsense

“What, this old thing?” or What to Wear in the Garden

12 Comments

While looking to acquire some desired object – probably electronic – on Craigslist lately I came upon the wonderful item of clothing pictured above (names have been obscured to protect the innocent).

What a revelation. I instantly realized I’ve been going about my sartorial choices all wrong. The ugly truth:

How can I consider myself a real gardener when I have never found, let alone worn, just the right Weeding Dress.

Me, I usually throw on some old t-shirt and pants. For hand coverage, I’m fond of latex gloves – recycled ones from hair-dying episodes.

As for shoes I admit that the need for gardening shoes sadly encourages my frugal, never-throw-out-anything tendencies to get out of hand. Any pair of runners or flat shoes that can no longer be worn in public on respectable occasions gets put into the “Still Handy For Gardening” pile. Danger word is “handy”. The pile is quite large. Sometimes I trip over it.

Of course, after seeing the ad above, all this has changed. Now there is: The Weeding Dress. What was I thinking all those years? I will no longer be scruffy and unkempt when neighbours walk by and see me standing with fists of grass in both hands and baskets overflowing. No, I will not! From now on I will be breathtaking, glowing with (strapless) sartorial perfection, in my new Weeding Dress.

“Don’t you look nice today,” neighbours will say, admiringly, “Don’t you worry that you’ll get grass stains on that?”

And I will smile beatifically, wave my gloved hands towards my flowing garment and say, “What, this old thing?” Yes. That is what it will be like when I have my own, my very own Weeding Dress.

Sarah

Sarah Battersby is a designer, writer and teacher who regularly hacks away at forest of lilacs and sumachs in the country. She wishes she’d never planted that goutweed.

12 comments

  1. LOLOL! Brilliant! I live in ancient dresses in the summmer, and see now that I've really been selling myself short. Why should I not be the finest ornament in my garden? Snort! Beautifully written, perfectly said!

  3. Ha!
    When I was a mere gardener's elf on a vast estate, my boss was a tough-as-nails mountain woman who might have weighed eighty pounds, soaking wet.
    One morning, I came around a corner to see her in a large, floppy straw hat, strappy short sundress, boots, cigarette hanging from her lips, working a huge rototiller over the bed.
    Now that's the look I aspire to. Your dress is lovely, though. Will you post pictures of you in proper attire?

  10. Obviously, it's wise to keep our eyes on gBay, just for gardeners. Or perhaps we need to get fashion tips from What Not To Wear To Weed?

  11. This beautiful Weeding Dress is probably gone, but it's too bad Carol at May Dreams Gardens didn't get a shot at it, because it might have answered the call that has gone out for her to get a profile photo of her mowing in a long white dress. Mowing isn't weeding of course, but still, it might have done.

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