I seem to have perfected a raccoon-scaring hiss. It sounds like something Linda Blair woud say on one of her better days when under the influence of you know who. Two of the fiends this morning were mucking about on my deck, and causing general havoc. They’d broken a pot yesterday and uprooted my freshly potted sweet peas. Fiends!!!!!

I made lots of noise by banging things and yelling, “Go away!!!” Several times. And charging at them menacingly. They just sort of cowered and remained motionless, after inching away from me a bit. They were ready to wait me out.

She’s not that scary. These humans, with their human minds, they were thinking.

It wasn’t until I brought out my patented Linda Blair hiss that they took off like bats out of heck. I only now have to worry about frightening my neighbours. Oh god, it’s the possessed woman upstairs again. Get out the garlic and batten down the hatches, they will think.

I don’t care. I now have the power to make raccoons run for their lives!!!!! Cue maniacal laughter.

You might also like